Week 10 - ME WANT FOOOOOOD!

Fucking hell people.

I'm really sorry I haven't been posting as regularly of late. Basically, I was spending so much time stuffing my face that I didn't have time to write this blog — it would have used up precious Daim bar time! (I have rediscovered these and am eating them daily. Like a banana.)

Urgh, it's all gone a bit tits up really. Not sure what happened but after a few days of struggling, I just cracked and went "I'M NOT DIETING RIGHT NOW. I AM MAKING THIS CHOICE". And so the gorging began… And when I say I ate everything, I really do mean EVERYTHING. But on the plus side, I found some food to add to my dislikes list! Now, it might sound weird to have a list of food I don't like, but I grew up with a mum who always told people at dinner "Oh she's good — she eats everything". Now, I am not blaming my mum at all for making me a fatty or anything like that, but it's just a reminder that I have always been a food fan. I think it only started bothering me in my adult life when I'd be part of a discussion where people would be talking about food they couldn't bear — ranging from eggs, blue cheese, 'wet' food (what the fuck?), fish, pork scratchings — and I would realise there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING i could bring to this conversation. I would end up just lying by pulling a face and saying something like "Yeah, pork scratchings… they're, er, weird…", whilst in my head apologising to Mr Porky.

So now, whenever I come across something I don't like — I am excited. There is something on this planet that I won't put in my mouth — HURRAH! The list is as follows:

• Porcini mushrooms — they sounded like a very adult pizza topping, so I got them on a pizza once. Tasted like the floor.
• Whole baby squid — I can't deal with the tentacles. Chewing the entire body of something in my mouth just makes me feel like the Bone-Cruncher in the BFG. No thank you.
• Kidneys — I always wondered why the steak and kidney pie I used to get (when I used to sell raffle tickets for Saracens at Vicarage Road) used to taste a bit funny… Now I know. 
• Dark chocolate — i don't get the point of it. People who want to show they are fancier and better than you pretend they like this more than a Mars bar. It's bollocks — dark chocolate is bitter and horrible and should only ever go in a brownie.
• BBQ ribs — I like BBQ sauce. I like ribs. ("But which is better?" Eheh.) But somehow together, they do not work for me. I think it's because the ribs always come totally smothered in the sauce, which is too sweet and cloying for my taste. I end up scraping it off and regretting it every time I order them, so they are on the list now.
• Grapefruit — what in fuck's name is this fruit supposed to be?

Other things that have been happening… Oh yes — me and a work colleague went to Morrisons to get lunch. I was on 'no diet' mode so we both got a macaroni cheese ready meal. We got back to the office and I popped mine in the microwave and went and sat down at my desk for a bit. However, when I went back to the kitchen, a guy from work was telling my friend she shouldn't put 'that kind of stuff' into her body. I watched the microwave count down the last minute on the timer, willing him to blimming leave before he saw that I was eating it too... Thankfully he did, because the guilt was also making my face all hot. I should add, my macaroni friend is about half my size and can get away with eating something that has over 700 calories in it. I, however, cannot. Still, I enjoyed eating it... I figured I might as well — fuckin' bought the bastard thing, hadn't I?

I have also been obsessed with sriracha sauce. I first had this when I stayed over at a friend's house (she has since moved to Belfast) after a night out. She made me this delicious bacon sandwich the next day and put this sauce on it — my god, I was savouring every mouthful because it was fucking amazing. What was less amazing was that when I popped to the loo mid-sandwich, I came back to find that the remaining half had been eaten by her flatmate as he thought I didn't want it! He was very apologetic, but honestly, I could have cried. I still think about this whenever I make a bacon sandwich. That was years ago (and some might say that I should be over it), but then I finally decided I was going to buy some after having some on a hot dog at FEAST. I ordered it online and paid extra for it to get delivered the next day, like some kind of junkie. IT GOES WITH EVERYTHING. And since I like to eat EVERYTHING, it's the perfect sauce for me. I will be back to my usual blog next week — I promise!

Mmm... This will not last long…