Week 5 - Hot Doggity Dawg!

So this week has been er… interesting! I think the following sums it up perfectly: I have just spotted my nicely printed weight chart for the 25lbs I want to lose — it's lying face down, half under a dictionary, with a huge grease stain on it. Nuff said.

In other news, I have been trying to challenge myself by doing things out of my comfort zone. Whilst I'm in a band already, we never gig, and it doesn't look like we are going to any time soon, bar a wedding and a FREE charity gig this year. So I have been auditioning for other bands. Technically, I've not left this band yet (no real need — being in another band is hardly going to clash with our busy schedule) but seeing as the other members all have side projects, I think I'm allowed too! I auditioned for an all-girl band a few weeks ago, but dear god, the guitarist was just not up to much so that went (appropriately) tits up . However, the drummer stayed in touch with me and I will now be participating in a different non-vagina-based band project next week — should be good! I also auditioned for a classic rock band on the weekend— it was quite fun (although I mainly remember the stress) and I impressed them enough to get a second callback! EAT IT!!! I have to learn some pretty tough songs for the next leg, but my self esteem has gone through the roof. But I'm sure all that will change after tonight's weigh-in.

WEDNESDAY

Pretty good day really, but then it always is because I feel all virtuous from Weigh Day. Eat a Fox's Caramel Shortcake for 2pp - worth it!

THURSDAY

Trying to eat light today as meeting friends for dinner at an Italian restaurant. I feel bad as I kinda vetoed their suggestion to go to a burger bar, but I have already allocated those points for a hot dog on the weekend. Pop home first, and – for reasons unbeknownst to me – pour quite a lot of crispy coated peanuts down my neck. Right before dinner. While my friend is sitting waiting in the restaurant. Five doors down. Alone. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? Dinner was good though, and I went for the healthy option pasta. I was going to opt for spaghetti bolognese for a couple of extra points, but the peanuts repeated on me, serving as a poignant reminder that I'd already pigged out enough this evening. Then the waitress (bless her, she was very sweet ) was sprinkling the Parmesan on my pasta in such a) scant amounts and b) an incredibly bizarre fashion, that I didn't end up with as much as I wanted. So to rectify this injustice, I ended up having dessert. Just a scoop of pistachio ice cream. With two wafer stick things in it.

FRIDAY

CANNOT STOP EATING TODAY. It's like I have worms or something. Stuff myself mindlessly with Japanese crackers, then check points... COCK!! 9 friggin' points. Great. Have my wraps at lunch for 6 points. Pop to my mum's to after work and end up eating a small dinner there as well as pasta when I get back to mine. Shit.

SATURDAY

Have brinjal pickle and salad wrap before I leave to go out for the day – not sure it's going to catch on as a lunch option... While out have a tea, biscotti and popcorn snack. Get home and try to distract myself with bass playing until dinner reservations at 8. Have planned to have a hot dog and chips for 30 points. My god, best meal I've had in ages. End up sharing chips with the boyfriend out of guilt, (because they were massive), then up having a caramelised banana dessert, alongside a tasty portion of You're Not Going To Lose Weight This Week... Shared dessert out of more crippling guilt, but not before I'd eaten a scoop of ice cream with caramel sauce. See girl at next table who ordered the hot dog but has left most of it, unlike me, who wolfed it. Fuck shit fuck.

SUNDAY

I thought having my audition today might make me eat less (because of nerves) but instead I manage to eat a packet of Velvet Crunch, about 5pp worth of chilli crispy coated peanuts and then a spiced pumpkin KitKat that my sister sent me from Japan. Oh, then some cold pasta from the fridge. I'm not sure a drop of liquid passed my lips until the evening which might explain why my mouth was extra dry at the audition. Evening dinner was Beef Nachos without the nachos... "How does this work?", I hear you ask… Well, the answer is "Quite well, actually!". I made the beef chilli up with extra lean minced beef, kidney beans and a packet of spice mix. Then I poured my portion of it into a little foil tray, grated low fat cheese over it and little blobs of extra light cream cheese and bunged it under the grill. Once all melted, I ate it with thinly sliced carrot. And you know what? It really did hit the spot. Unlike the WW scone I had after — dear god, it was the driest and hardest thing I've eaten in my life. Chucked the rest in the freezer, which is basically just a chilly stopover before they go in the fucking bin.

MONDAY

So today it appears that I am no longer writing my points down in my journal. Great. I think I know what has happened here. I lost a decent amount last week, and therefore figured I wont lose weight this week, so why not splurge a bit rather than be good and disappointed? This is clearly the wrong thing to do. But I'm still doing it. Whilst eating mini Maltesers bunnies in Morrisons after work. Bought some bacon flavour Baked Cheddars but they haven't really lived up to the expectations I had, so I should just put them in the bin… but they are still in my drawer. Honestly, I might as well have gone to the burger bar with my friends earlier in the week. Need to get out of this mind set somehow…

TUESDAY

So today is Weigh Day. I will be doing my usual 'eat light' routine, which is Cuppa Soup at lunch with crisps. Urgh. Feel quite lousy and have barely drunk any water this week. My glass of water is untouched and is developing bubbles… Ok, just had a massive guilty glug. After eating loads of those Cheddar biscuits… COCK! Right, on my way to the toilet they are going in the bin! I am going to put this horrible week down to pre-Lady Time hormonal-ness. And my pitiful rationalisation about dieting and losing weight. I think now that it doesn't seem as cold, I am going to have to go for ONE BLOODY RUN next week. I am dreading getting on the scales…

WEEK 5 : 1.5lbs put on (11st 8lbs)

Cuntballs.