I've been trying to set my brain right and make a few lifestyle changes. One thing I have done is not leave any food at work. Nothing. Crisps, chocolate, crackers, fruit — all gone. All lunches are now prepared after dinner (when I am not hungry) and that's all I'm allowed to bring in. Seeing as I have no willpower at all, I've just had to remove everything. And it seems to be working, which is really good news. However, I made the mistake of implementing this on a week where I was eating out three times, so I probably won't get to appreciate the results as much. But next week should be better!
On the subject of eating out — I think I have finally fulfilled all my dinner plans with people. Being social is a fucking bastard. Everyone is too busy to meet up around Christmas, then everyone is skint in January, so come February, everyone wants to start catching up again. Fucking hell, I've never been so busy (well, busy for me!). I am used to having pages and pages of my diary having nothing on them except for eyebrow threading appointments, but since February I have been involved with the following: dinner with bf's mates, work lunch, food market, dinner with my friends, surprise party, work dinner, dinner with bf's mates, dinner with my mates, dinner with BlogMate, dinner with Aunt, and late lunch with my sister. Now this might not seem terrible for someone with willpower, but for me, it's a fucking minefield.
Since Saturday last week I had tried to be quite strict with my calorie intake and I was doing pretty well, but then I went to my friend's for dinner. They were all having pizza and seeing as the calories were just too much, I decided to go for something a little less calorific so I could enjoy the other snacks and desserts that I knew would be there. This was all fine until it was revealed that one of mate's had bought garlic bread. I could have said no (and I am in no way blaming her AT ALL) but I am so shit that I ended up having two slices of garlic bread, plus a quarter of her Chicago Town pizza. Calories over goal? 407. Motherfucker. I only decided to check calories AFTER I had eaten it, which I won't be doing again! I was so annoyed at myself. Whilst I can control food at work, I really need to work on controlling it in other areas. My friend that we were visiting has a bf and he has lost loads of weight by basically going vegan (I think). He was there that night, and when garlic bread or pizza was offered to him, he just said "No thanks" very easily. No drama, no "Oh my god, no, I really shouldn't… oh go on then", nothing. He just politely declined and that was it. I have no idea if he wanted garlic bread or not, but I am sure that it must have involved some strength of will. I wish I had that. There were a few other spare bits of pizza being offered to me — I'm back to being a human bin! Maybe that is the next thing to work on — staying focussed. Food is always there — I don't ALWAYS have to eat it.
The next day (Wednesday night), I went to Bodeans with BlogMate. We'd had this booked in the diary for a couple of months so we were VERY excited. But that all changed when they told us a wait for a table was going to be 1hr 45mins. What the fuck? In Soho, where there are a million other restaurants? At 6.30pm? It wasnt even a newly opened! Thankfully, BlogMate said that would be too long (I was actually contemplating the wait), but the waitress told us that they could seat us in the upstairs area, which was all long, tightly packed sharing tables… Now, given that Bodeans is based on traditional American rib shacks with chicken wings and pulled pork and BBQ sauce and burgers, I was slightly worried about sitting quite so close to strangers and eating what was bound to be a messy meal… It was also annoying that the Boss Hog Platter that we were going to get was not available upstairs, but it would have been too childish to leave because of that. To be fair, I needed a moment to come to terms with that fact (boo-hoo!), but once we had ordered something very similar, I was fine.
The food was excellent and I probably ate a little too much, but fuck it — this was AN EVENT. Then we went for peppermint tea and (small pots of) gelato — a thoroughly pleasant evening with excellent company. On the way home, I did try to work out the calories for every thing: turns out I would have had to not eat any food for the next two days to make up for extra calories. Fucking great. I figured the best thing to do was just move on and be good for the next two days until Weigh Day. I can't turn back time — I'm not Cher.
Thursday was a fasting day, and after all that fucking protein, thank fuck. I have actually got back on the fasting again, which has just made life a lot easier this last week. It's not as bad as I remember it, and having no food in the office made it a lot easier actually. It's the only way I'm going to lose any weight and I know it works for me when I actually do it. Also, every time I have been slogging away on the exercise bike or doing weights this last week, I reminded myself that if I dont eat less, breaking a sweat is all for nothing. I will never see the muscles I have worked quite hard to develop — they will just sit there under all the fat from over-eating. The website I posted last week stressed that losing weight is 80% what you eat, so I really need to keep that in mind.
Friday I ended up doing all-you-can-eat Chinese with my sis and Aunt. We overestimated our eating capabilities and almost had to resort to stashing some of it away secretly in a tupperware box I happened to have in my bag. But thankfully (or unthankfully, depending on whether you are looking at wastage charges or waistage charges, fnar fnar!), we took a breather and managed to finish it. Except for the chicken satay, which was too dry. I really will eat anything, but this was more like beef blimming jerky. Anyway, I went home feeling guilty but also ready to start afresh on Saturday: next week, I will be watching my calories like a fucking HAWK…
Back in the fasting groove and looking at new recipes, I found something quite good: zucchini spagetti! I know we call it a courgette, but the former sounds better, doesn't it? Anyway, It looked amazing and I figured it could fool the brain a bit, so I bought myself a julienne peeler and made this great meal on the left for a fast day. Courgettes, mushroom, extra light Philly, paprika, half a veg stock cube, chilli flakes and a tiny bit of parmesan. I cannot recommend it enough. After you have julienned the courgette, you just put it in the microwave for 2mins and have it with whichever sauce you want. Blimmin' brilliant. Will try it with bolognese sauce soon… Also just chucking in a pic of a piri piri chicken and sweet potato meal that I had — also delicious. Sweet potatoes are also back on the menu!
As I have also been on a bit of a protein kick, I went to another good wesite called http://www.fitnesstreats.com/. This lady is very inventive and makes lots of cool stuff that I have been experimenting with. I made her savoury lentil cake (with hemp protein), which was ok, but I think I might experiment with my own receipe next week… I also made her White Chocolate Protein Brownies, but they tasted more like scones… which was fine by me! Both filled a hole. I have also developed a New York Deli Salad — pastrami (lots of protein), salad leaves, cucumber, tomato, light cheese, red onion, gherkins and a bit of mustard — really loving it.
So, as my social life is pretty empty from here onwards, I'm actually really looking forward to not having any excuses to be bad and trying my best to shift off this weird plateau I seem to be on. I must be eating too much or I would be losing weight — simple as. And whilst I need to be able to eat out and show some willpower, it's nice to not worry about any upcoming dinner dates and know that I am totally in control — it's all down to me.
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
As I was typing this, someone just sent me a Facebook invite to an event called "Jolloff Rice Night". What the fuck? See what my life is filled with?? I am being invited to evenings based solely on eating carbs — THERE IS NO ESCAPE. SAVE YOURSELVES.
I read the bit about pizza at ours to bf. He said "I had 2 slices of garlic bread." Not such a saint after all.
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