RIGHT! So what has been happening? Well, I did A LOT of reading about calories, weights, fat, protein, exercise, BMI, BMR, RDA... Fucking shitloads. It got to the point where I was actually stressing myself out with how much I was reading. To be fair, I did learn a hell of a lot — but alas, I am still fat. I can talk the talk, but when it comes to walking the walk, I'm definitely waddling.
I was doing all this research because since I have been doing weights, I am always tired and hungry. It's not that I'm doing too much (30mins exercise a day is recommended) so I thought maybe I wasn't eating enough. After a bit of research, I thought I'd hit the jackpot with a site that was telling me to eat 1700 calories a day (woo-fucking-hoo!!), but then I fucked myself over… I found an a different website that was very well written, really well researched and full of actual info rather than crap. It was excellent because the information was straightforward and busted a lot of myths. However, if I was going to put my trust in this site, I also had to accept that the fact that it was advising me to eat the grand total of 1379 calories a day. That is only 100 more than what I was on with MFP. * Sigh* One thing that really stuck in my head from this website was the screen shot on the right:Now, I know that this is not new particularly new information, but it really makes you realise how important what you eat is, demonstrated brilliantly in this piece (from the aforementioned website): http://www.acaloriecounter.com/blog/why-am-i-not-losing-weight/.
I mean really, that article is basically my blog summed up, isn't it? But that is the one problem I have — I can't stop eating. I am exercising hard almost every day and really sticking to it, but because I am a little piggy who loves food, I'm undoing all my good work. But I just cant stop. I am seriously thinking I need to get hypnotised — I really just don't know how to control it otherwise. I have no willpower.
But before I go down that route, I really think I need to make a concerted effort to try harder. So some new rules I have are:
1) No crisps until the weekend. Not even healthy ones.
2) FINALLY CHUCKED OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING MARZIPAN!
3) No stockpile of food at work — all food is to be brought in from home. If it's not there, I can't eat it.
4) High-protein lunch, and generally increasing my protein intake throughout the day
5) Eating out less.
The last one has been difficult. For some reason, the last month has been really busy and I've had dinners with people or an event with food every single week since mid January. It's made life more difficult, but only because I'm a little piggy who won't then cut back calories on another day. Why is it so hard? WHY? WHY? All foodies, can't all be fat, surely? I remember the last time I properly did weights and was under 10st (several years ago), I never really went out. People would ask me out to drinks after work but I would decline and go for a run followed by weights. On a Friday night. Depressing. To be honest, I didn't feel depressed, but I missed out on a lot of social events, but I don't think that bothered me that much… So perhaps it was worth it? Maybe that is what it is going to take — cutting back on socialising and not giving myself an excuse to eat extra food every week.
My weightlifting lady (Nia Shanks) advises on her website to stop counting calories and just eat 'real food' (meat, cheese, fish, beans, fruit, veggies) until you are comfortable, but I definitely can't do that. I know she has been anal in the past about her diet and this is a way of relieving yourself of weighing food like a crazy person, but I don't think she ever had a problem with being OVERWEIGHT (she is tiny). So until she shows me a pic of herself as a total fatty, I will not be following her advice! Literally, it's the worst the worst thing you could tell an overweight person to do. Some people need boundaries. I wouldn't be in this predicament if I knew how to control myself, would I? I am actually too scared to even try it for one week. Some people need to follow some strict rules — that is just life.
However, Nia had some nice recipes for things to do with protein powder, so I have been using some of those in the morning. I have thrown away tonnes of protein powder in my life. My mum uses my old jars to keep her lentils in, and she has quite a lentil collection! But I bought a small tub this time and actually, I like it so much that I could eat it with a spoon. I DO eat it with a spoon! It tastes just like baby milk powder. [God, my mouth is watering right now, but when I google 'eating protein powder neat', all that comes up is "Woah, dude! Why the fuck would you do that? It's gross!". Oh, the shame.] I've had a chocolate one mixed with yoghurt and banana slices — so filling in the morning and I didn't need anything else until lunch — RESULT! (Although I did feel slightly oppressed by it — it took determination to get through the whole bowl). I've also mixed it with pumpkin puree, yoghurt and some pumpkin spice — this was really tasty with a dash of sugar-free maple syrup and some oats. Next week I am going to try to bake with it.
So, what's been going on with my weight, eh? Well, the week that I didn't write a post for I went up 1.5lbs. This week just past, I went down by the exact same amount. Now, this friggin' yo-yoing has been happening for six weeks. It is bizarre. My weight is always up or down by the SAME exact amount as well, which is really hard to believe. It's not muscle, that's for sure (women can only put on like, 0.2lbs of muscle in a week). It might be water. It is very probably fat. My masses of reading has lead me to believe that this can happen when you start lifting because your muscles will retain water, but I still should be losing fat and it should still be showing on the scales, at least on the body fat read-out if nothing else… I dunno, I am trying not to get frustrated, but it is testing me. I can definitely feel a difference in my muscles, but I want this blimmin' bulge to sod off too! Urgh — I just need to lock myself away for a year, not go out, not be allowed to go to the shops, not work out. Maybe then something would happen.
OR... I could stop being such a whiny bitch and just eat less.
There is no easy diet. If I'm not suffering, I'm probably eating too much. Anyway, lets see if upping the protein, sleeping more to combat tiredness (rather than eating M&Ms), and keeping the calories down will nudge the scales in the right direction next week… Ah yes, next week, where I have two midweek restaurant visits with friends… Oh for fuck's sake.
Pass me the bastard M&Ms.
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