Monday 29 July 2013

Week 8 : Back on Track

Well, after the mess-up that was last week, you will be pleased to know that I lost this time. To be fair, it wasn't quite a full pound, but hell, it's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick (as my dad would say). However, I'm glad that I did lose it, because it keeps me motivated and proves that this diet is working for me — I just have to not fuck it up.

I went to a wedding on Saturday, which was lovely. However, after last week, I did have to stuff myself into my control pants, and only my second-best pair at that. I did try to wear my hardcore pants (it was a special occasion after all) but it was just too hot and I was just too sweaty to get them up past my knees. I didn't fancy re-enacting my huffing and puffing and groaning and tugging half pissed every time I needed the toilet, so Asda pants it was! As I wasn't going to be buying a new dress for the event, I decided to treat myself to a new clutch and fascinator to go with my shoes for the outfit below. 


I have to admit, I have Gok to thank for this inspiration!

I loved my outfit once I put it all together — very pleased with myself. And the accessories only cost me £20, so a bargain I think. I was less pleased with the fact that during the week I started developing a heat rash/allergy all over my face… I was hoping it would go away, but my Friday, it was mean and red and fucking itchy. I legged it to the chemist and got a cream, and I got some stronger antihistamine tablets whilst I was there too. I probably took a few too many tablets and rubbed in a bit too much cream (I was panicking, man!) but by Saturday, it was ever-so-slightly better. There was no way I was going to NOT wear make-up so I just had to deal with the itching and get on with it. It's kinda cleared up now, but my face feels weird and scaly…

ANYWAY… Back to the wedding. The couple looked very happy and a lovely day was had by all. They picked a cracking menu too, actually. Crab and avocado starter, lamb with mash and veg for the main and creme brulee with a strawberry sorbet for dessert — all very nice. Unfortunately, it was a traditional wedding cake (yuck!), which everyone took a piece of but no-one ate, because really, who the fuck likes fruit cake???  I ate the little strip of marzipan in mine and that's all I could manage, so I can probably add fruit cake to my list of foods I dislike — woot! Every cloud…

Nothing else to tell you really, other than I would really like to shift that pound-and-a-bit left from last week. I really don't want to put on again, so I am going to do my best to be good. Although that might be tricky given that on Tuesday I am going out for lunch, Wednesday I am meeting Blog Mate for a VERY unhealthy dinner, and Friday is my five-year anniversary. So it's a food fest. BUT I am going to try to be as good as I can the rest of the time. Here's hopin'…





 


Tuesday 23 July 2013

Week 7 : NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT BEFORE THE WEDDING!

Yup, you guessed it — I put on weight this week. 

Not 0.5lb… not 1lb… not even 1.5lbs. TWO WHOLE POUNDS! Shame on me. And my big mouth. And everything that went in my big mouth. 

Now, I should be more sad about this. I once put on half a pound at WW and cried all the way home. I'm not joking. I was at least 25, and I came home and cried under my duvet, and refused to come out for dinner — and I NEVER do that. But that's because I had been so good. This time, I'm not sure I can feel quite so virtuous.

I try to make notes in the week so I have something useful/interesting to write in my blog (hard to imagine, but true), so I went back to see what I had written at the start of the week.

1. "ANNOYED AT RUINING MY FAST, SO I RUIN IT FURTHER STILL."
Well, I think we can all see this is classic sabotage. I've fucked the diet, so may as well fuck it up good and proper. It seems that old habits die hard… I think this particular reference was to me eating a chocolate rich tea on my fast day — which is bad enough — but then going back to eat another one. Then another. Then a cracker. This was worse because I had nodded off on my bed, woke up, ate biscuits and went back to bed. What is wrong with me?? Like there aren't enough weird reasons that make me eat without me having to add 'feeling sleepy after waking abruptly from a nap' to the list. Fucking hell.

2. "NEED TO GET USED TO JUST FEELING THE HUNGER, NOT EAT THEN IMMEDIATELY SLEEP."
Ah yes, I know what this is about. In general, my fast day involves keeping myself busy during the day, coming home, cooking my meal and then just going to bed. Like that's all my body could possibly handle. RID-IC-U-LARSE. My fat body could easily handle a few days work and some exercise before it genuinely stopped being able to function properly on no food at all. I can talk to my bf. I can watch TV. I can do something. Just because I can't eat any more food doesn't mean life isn't worth living and I should just go to bed at 9.30pm. 

3. "DRINK MORE WATER."
When I started fasting, I was dead good about drinking water, but now I am incredibly slack. And I think my skin is suffering because of it to be honest (I'm growing a massive spot as I type this.) So more water — we all know that. I have been saying this shit for weeks/months/years.

So those were my notes. I am a tad annoyed that I put on weight (especially before this wedding on Saturday), but it's my own fault, not the diet's. In fact, this diet has been great and as yet, I haven't really got any complaints! It's been a busy July and every weekend has involved an event that required a) lining one's stomach with stodge, b) drinking copious amounts of alcohol, c) eating a drunken snack and d) recovery food the next day. It's not an excuse, but it does make it harder to be more mindful on the weekend. Also, I had loads of cupcakes left over from my friend's birthday which were pretty calorific, but I just couldn't throw them away. All that eating was going to catch up with me at some point…

But some good news — I have been a bit more careful with portion sizes. I got halfway through my dinner the other evening when I thought "I am comfortable, so I need to stop eating any more of this" — so I did. Yey me! Was my stomach shrinking? Was I finally understanding that I need to eat less? Or was it the fact that I had eaten half a bag of low fat popcorn whilst the pasta was cooking? We will never know.

Also, I went to dinner with the girls and left food. ACTUALLY LEFT FOOD THAT I HAD PAID FOR, ON MY PLATE. I never do that. It was really delicious, but I was quite stuffed. Annoyingly, the waiter left our plates in front of us for AGES, and by the time he eventually took them away, I was peckish and probably could have finished it. BUT, I had already placed my napkin like a tiny little shroud over the leftovers, so it would not have been cool to start eating cold rice and kebab from underneath. My friends wouldn't have judged though — they have seen a lot, including an occasion where me and one of them had eaten so much food at a restaurant that we had to get back to her flat and lie on the cold, wooden floor for at least 15 minutes, just groaning and rubbing our stomachs. Her flatmate then came in, popped my friend's WW Points Calculator artistically between us and took a photo. I don't think Facebook was invented then — THANK GOD.

Monday 15 July 2013

Week 6 : "Welcome to Dumpsville… Population: You."

Just so you know, I did not get dumped. But I tell you this much — if I did get dumped, I would not be writing this blog anymore. I would be out there, running down the street, flaunting my too-depressed-to-eat skinny body in hot pants and a boob tube. 

No, I'm talking about a different kind of dumping, people. (Don't worry — it won't be for very long.) I weighed myself after my second fast day last week and my weight was exactly the same as the week before. Given how much I had eaten over the weekend, plus eating out at work, I was quite content with being 11st 5.2lbs. At least this way when I weighed myself on Saturday (my official day), I wouldn't be shocked at the results. 

As an aside (and an excuse to squeeze a picture in, cos that's what blog reader want, apparently), I believe in keeping fast day meals simple — I don't want to be faffing around with food when I am not free to just chuck stuff in. You can eat what you want all week, so two days should not need to be sexed up! This was some lovely spiced basa fish with griddled courgettes and mushrooms I had — very low in calories, so perfect for fasting :-)


This is even better with smoked basa…

So Saturday arrived and I (officially) got on the scales. 11st 4.6lbs. What the hell? After having a Chinese takeaway last night?? Man... OK... Just over half a pound is good, but how could I make it better? Hmm, could I try going to the loo…? Would that make a difference? Worth a try, surely? Well, I'm glad I tried, because boy, did that poo pay off! 11st 4lbs — IN YOUR FACE, FAT BODY!

There is a part of me that feels slightly dishonest doing a Weigh Day evacuation because I don't always try for a Number 2 before I get on the scales every week. But then I thought, "Fuck it — I'm in the fat-weighing business, not the poo-weighing business. It's not cheating!" And it's not like the old days where I used to pop a bunch of Sennakot before bed and pray to have a massive shit the next day… ANYWAY. Poo stories aside — I lost over a pound. I win. The End. 

So I was feeling excellent on Saturday. And when you feel excellent, you want to do all you can to continue feeling this way. So, time for some exercise! I had nipped out earlier in the day and stepping out the front door was like entering an oven, so running was out of the question — I didn't want to miss my friend's birthday celebrations suffering from heat stroke. So I decided to do my Davina Power of 3 DVD. It had been well over a year since I had done it (I used to do it religiously) but at least exercising in the living room was a bit cooler. 

The warm up was fine, but then I started doing the leg workout. The moves were feeling intense. Too intense. Every squat felt like someone was kicking me in my butt cheek — HARD. Halfway in, I decided that this was a stupid idea, especially as I was planning to wear proper heels for the first time in year later that night — I really didn't need jelly-leg syndrome! So I did some arm work and then went off to ice some birthday cupcakes, naturally.

After stuffing our face with three fajitas, we headed out to my friend's birthday. Excellent night out (although we were all sweating like little bitches), lots of nice snacks (that I didn't need but ate anyway) and I didn't fall and break my ankles, which is my constant fear when in heels — RESULT! As we didn't get a chance to grab a hot dog after the club, I rustled up more fajitas when we got in at about 3.30am, as well as defrost some dhal — never underestimate the effort a drunk foodie will put into a worthy post-club snack! Finally, it was time for bed.

The next morning —OH DEAR GOD. I could not move. Seriously, everything was aching. Thighs, calves, butt, hips, triceps — everything. It took me ages to get out of bed and I actually felt like I had been in a fight. FUCKING DAVINA!! (I am still in pain as I write this.) However it reminded me how good this DVD is, so I am going to try and squeeze it in once a week.

Having eaten all that food before bed, I didn't have a hangover at all the next day, so it should have been a good day food-wise. Unfortunately, there was no proper food in the house, so I gorged on cakes, biscuits and crisps ALL DAY. Not very satisfying or nutritious really. And it means I have to really be careful this week, as well as being on top of my exercise. In fact, my new technique when I am feeling tired on my run is to grab a handful of my saddlebags — honestly, that keeps me moving! (Although I probably look a bit mental.)

I have lost just over 8lbs in 6 weeks. My next goal is 10lbs (because it's a nice round number) and then after that it will be to get under 11st. If things keep going at this rate, a bit more of the wardrobe should start to fit at last. Roll on dinner with the girls!




Monday 8 July 2013

Week 4 & 5 : A Happy Ending (but not that kind)

Sorry for missing a post last week. Work was manic and then I started my weekend early, so was too busy mooching. But I'm here now to fill you in.

Week 3 on 5:2 and things seemed to be going OK. I was really determined to lose weight having stayed the same the week before, so I tried to be good and stick within my calorie limit. I took a deep breath and got on the scales (then exhaled quickly — might make me heavier) — I had stayed EXACTLY the same. Well, actually, I had lost 0.2lbs, which I was going to take, thank you very much. So two weeks of staying the same... Was it finally time to accept that the fast diet was too slow for me? (Oh my GOD, how Carrie Bradshaw was that?? Shame.)

Hmm… I wasn't quite ready to give it up, so I decided to peruse the last few weeks on MFP and see what differed from week to week… Quite a lot, it turned out.

Week 1 = 671 calories over weekly target
Week 2 = 1653 calories over weekly target
Week 3 = 1869 calories over weekly target
Week 4 = 2215 UNDER weekly target, but oh wait, that's because I didn't even log what I had eaten over Saturday and Sunday…

I also realised I hadn't run at all in Week 4… Suddenly, the reason for staying the same the past two weeks was blatantly obvious. RIGHT. Week 5 needed to be different. I had to stick to a daily limit, not go over my 500 calories on a fast day and get back running. I think I was feeling a little down that week (for no apparent reason), but unless I was going to cut out eating altogether (ha, fat chance), depression was not going to shrink my jean size. 

So Week 5 commenced. I stuck to all my rules, went running, upped my protein and even cut down carbs. After my first fast day in the week, I weighed myself, filled with excitement about all the good changes I had made…

STILL THE EXACT SAME FUCKING WEIGHT. Cunting hell — fuck this stupid diet! I was getting quite annoyed now. I didn't know how much more I could tweak the bloody thing. I ranted to Blog Mate, who tried to bring me some comfort with kind words like "it's probably just lady time weight", or "you WILL lose this week, I promise" and "just stick with it — it took time to put on, so it will take time to come off…". But I was having none of it. I was feeling fed up and just wanted to eat EVERYTHING. But I didn't. I figured I would at least wait until weigh day, and then cry in a heap on the floor. So after my second fast day, I got on the scales.…

LOST A MOTHERFUCKING POUND! BOO-YA!

I was so chuffed. It was a clear, whole pound and meant I'd lost just shy of half a stone in 5 weeks. This made me happy. So happy that I went out for a long run in the searing midday heat — not one of my smartest moves, but I did a frickin' good job, despite still sweating several hours later. So after all this positivity, the best thing to do was to be good over the weekend and try and maintain that superb feeling, right? Wrong. SO WRONG.

I play a gig in Colchester every year and all my friends always come up to watch, but they are mainly there for the excellent barbecue food and delicious cakes. And I happily join in. At the end of the day, 5:2 is supposed to enable you to have an evening of food and wine without freaking out, so I was not going to try and diet. However, I did want to try and listen to my stomach so that I wouldn't look like I had eaten the whole barbecue stock by the time I got on stage, desperately pushing my tum in with my bass.

My food schedule (seriously, can I ever hope to be thin?) was burger, veggie food, hot dog, cake. But I didn't fancy the hot dog come the evening, so I skipped it — yey me! I had a very dry piece of coconut cake later — I probably shouldn't have finished it, but it was there. We got back home in the early hours of the morning, and at about 2am sitting in bed, I thought I would tally everything up. FUCK. ME. OK, I thought I deserved a massive pat on the back for skipping the hot dog, but buggery fuck — I should have skipped A LOT more!

I forgot I had eaten a bit of pasta before we had left — 273 calories. 

I had also had a cup of tea and some Mini Max cereal for breakfast — 167 calories. 

It had slipped my mind, but when we stopped for petrol on the way up, I bought a packet of Scampi Fries and had a McDonald's Iced Mocha - 437 calories. 

I had also drunk 3 glasses of apple juice and a Pimms — 492 calories. 

And even whilst I was entering all of these into MFP, I was eating crisps from a big, bottomless bag — 550 calories. (Incidentally, Big Bottomless Bag will end up being my  nickname if I don't stop gorging.)

Grand total? 3500 calories for the day. 

And there you have it — what happens if I am not counting every single thing that goes in my giant gob. Actually, I was ready to go "Look blog readers, I didn't even eat much and this is how calories are mean to me", but then I realised that this IS a big list of food! But I'm just saying: it's easy to eat way more than you should, especially when none of it is very nutritious. 

The next day my boyfriend lost a bet (he thought Andy Murray wouldn't win the tennis — and he is Scottish!!) so he had to buy dinner. Dinner was a double pepperoni pizza with salad, garlic bread and Fanta Zero… Let's just call it a weekend of fun eh? I didn't eat my share of pizza because I was full, nor did I eat my Cornetto for dessert, so I must have been really fucking full.

This morning, I could barely walk because I was so bloated and uncomfortable. Honestly, I looked about 5 months pregnant — it actually scared me. A bit of peppermint tea sorted it out and, truth be told, I am very glad to be fasting today. I have a Morrisons soup for lunch and turkey and vegetables with Old El Paso Smokey Fajita seasoning for dinner — it's my new favourite meal. 

So I am going to stick with this diet. I just need to accept sometimes things might move slowly. As long as I don't put on any weight, it means things are going in the right direction. It feels sustainable. Yes, it has required more tweaking than Dr Mosley might have suggested, but that's not the end of the world really. It still feels like a realistic way to lose this weight, and I actually feel dead nice at the moment :-)