Wednesday 19 February 2014

In the words of Eric Cartman — "BEEFCAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

Firstly, I lost weight. It looks like I basically just lost whatever I 'put on' last week, but given that I am doing weight training and have been reading so much about water retention, losing inches rather than pounds etc, I'm really not putting too much stock into this. If I lose, I lose. I just have to know that I am sticking to my calories and exercising enough. I would normally be excited about a loss, but at the moment, it all seems fairly meaningless, so I'm just getting on with it.

My new weigh day is now Saturday, just because I normally end up eating something unhealthy this day, and it means I have a week to repair the damage! On this particular Saturday, we went to Frankie & Benny's for dinner — woo-hoo! The food was all delicious, even though I didn't get to eat their amazing hotdog — BUT I WILL ONE DAY. I was quite in the mood for a cheeseburger, so I had settled on that until my boyfriend ordered the double Philly steak burger… For some reason, I felt that this gave me the green light to order a double cheeseburger — WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I'm supposed to be watching what I eat! Well, I got punished in the end, because I couldn't finish the second patty in the bun and felt terrible for wasting it. Note to self: don't do that again, because you are not a slim man with a super-fast metabolism. Despite this, I had the low-fat pancake for dessert (well, let's try, eh?)— 200cals and really very nice! No pics cos I wolfed it all.

These looked and tasted delicious.
On Sunday, I went a bit mental in a food market in St Albans and spent about £15. And that's only because I stopped myself. I went with my uncle and his son — my poor cousin tried to buy a gourmet bacon roll for £4 and my uncle just told him, "Don't buy that — we've got two rashers of bacon at home"… ehehehehe. Thankfully, he was allowed to buy a scotch egg and a mini quich later. I bought some giant flat mushrooms, a black pudding scotch egg, a huge croissant, ostrich burgers and a coconut bird feeder thing, which I obviously didn't eat, even though it looked quite appetising — a bit like a rustic Bounty. Oh, I also bought some super-spicy pickled onions! They are an absolute godsend on a fast day — really fucking hot (there are Scotch Bonnet chillies in the vinegar and my mouth is watering just thinking about them) but very low in calories. The flat mushrooms were amazing just grilled, but on the second day I added some sundried tomato paste, garlic salt and a few herbs and stuck them in the oven — frigging fabulous!

Last Thursday, I made the mistake of eating my fasting dinner (because I was fucking starving!) before doing my weights session. I will NOT be doing that again in a hurry, dear god, no. I was really fucking thirsty, so I had also drunk quite a lot of water through the evening… It was mainly all fine until I had to lie on my front to do back extensions and suddenly I could feel air and food all swooshing around dangerously close to the top of my throat… I ended up not completing the exercise because I was on the brink of throwing up — nobody wants to be found wearing cheap leggings, an exercise bra and furry boots, drowned in their own vomit under a 5ft dried-up Christmas tree, do they? Lesson learnt. 

Looks gross, but was actually delicious.
This brings me to the problem I have encountered since I upped my exercise routine (I now work out every day except Sunday) — I feel like I am permanently ravenous. And it's been affecting my fast days quite badly, to be honest. Last week was a pile of shite when it came to fasting, but at least I didn't go over my daily calorie allowance. To combat this crazy hunger, I've tried to find a more filling breakfast — step in savoury porridge! Yup, sounds disgusting I know, but it was actually just like risotto. Oats, red onion, mushrooms, parsley, ham and light garlic cream cheese. I don't really like sweet breakfasts, so this was perfect for me, but I imagine some people would really struggle with it. But at least it was filling. I think I will experiment with some other savoury oat recipes next week — makes a change for breakfast! [FFS — whilst I am trying to type this, I keep seeing an email come up titled 'Donut Tasting' — seriously??]

Still very much enjoying the lifting, and sticking with the principle of just lifting more and more each week. My posture feels a hell of a lot better, my arms feel strong (I cannot stop flexing and moving my biceps whilst sitting at my desk — what a geek!) and whilst I probably can’t quite crack walnuts between my thighs, I could definitely smash a few on top of them. So at the moment, that is what I am concentrating on — feeling good and trying to eat well. The theory is that everything else should fall into place… right? RIGHT?




Tuesday 11 February 2014

Snacking: The Death of Me

Due to my obsession with crisps and other savoury snacks, I have had to implement a ban on them outside the weekend. This was very difficult for me, but it seriously needed to be done, and the conversation below kinda nudged me in that direction…

Me: Cock, I shouldn't have eaten those peanuts… but I was hungry.
BF: Er, where did those peanuts come from?
Me: I bought them today when I was in Tesco.
BF: I thought you only went to Tesco to buy a can of sweetcorn?
Me: Well, yes, but then I saw these were on deal in the snack aisle…
BF: But why were you in the snack aisle?
Me: (Getting irritated) Well, I was wandering round all the aisles... 
BF: But why wer… Ohhhhhhhhh. This is what you do, isn't it? 
Me: What?
BF: Well, I hate food shopping, so when I go to a supermarket, I just want to get my item, and get out as quickly as possible. You actually like food shopping, so you wander around the WHOLE shop.
Me: Yeah… but I still shouldn't have bought those peanuts.
BF: No, you shouldn't have.
Me: Hmmm.

I don't know if this makes my BF sound like a hard-arse, but he really isn't… Well, sometimes, but not on this occasion! I was starting to get irritated with his questions, but I genuinely hadn't realised how differently we view going food shopping. From my perspective, it was a bit "DUDE! Why the fuck wouldn't I be wandering around the whole shop?? What if I see something amazing I want to try? What if something is cheap?". But it's his idea of absolute hell. That is why I am a foodie and he is not. He is very much a 'work to live, eat to live' kinda guy. And whilst he does very much enjoy eating a piece of delicious fridge cake or a really tasty burger, he doesn't live for it the way I do. And so comes the second issue with my rampant snack addiction — I end up roping him into it too. 

For a number of weeks, I got into the bad habit of having a little snack whilst cooking dinner. I am always (psychologically) starving when I get in, and I am straight in the cupboard, grabbing the nearest bag of sharer crisps. I know I'm not supposed to eat them, but how can I alleviate this awful guilt? I know — "Hey, do you want some crisps…?". To be fair, the answer is quite often "No thanks, I'm alright", but I know that once he comes into the kitchen and sees me munching on them, he will grab one, just for a taste. Then he will grab the bag out of my hand, and then eat quite a lot of them. Guilt alleviated.

Now, anyone who knows my BF will know that he is of slim frame. Hell, until last year or so he was wearing clothes that were sized 'XS', whereas now he is just 'S'. But BF also has the fastest metabolism ever. I mean, it's not good to eat loads of crap, but if anyone's body can take it, his can. But I don't want my bad eating habits rubbing off on him. It's not fair, especially as he wouldn't even buy bad stuff in the first place. So, to address this, I've tried to have a weekday snack ban. I can't cut them out, but I can save them as a treat to look forward to, as can he, because I really I don't want to be his feeder.

Strangely, I do seem to be sticking to my new rule. I managed to not go mental in Sainsbury's on a fast day (not quite sure how, but I did!) which just required a lot of breathing and a 'think of the bigger picture' mantra. But one day this week I was really tired. Inexplicably tired. I still have absolutely no idea what was wrong with me, but I don't remember ever feeling that tired after a day's work. My eyeballs were hurting, I had a headache, and I really struggled to stay awake at work or on the bus. However, on my way home, I found myself slowly-but-surely being drawn towards the bright green lights of one of my favourite supermarkets — Waitrose.

Now, I don't actually have a MASSIVE love for it, but you don't see a Waitrose that often, do you? So when you see one, it's a bit exciting because you know that whilst everything will be overpriced, it will all be delicious. So in I went, lurching around like a zombie until I hit the snack aisle. I have to say, I was rather impressed with my willpower at this point, because somehow I managed to leave not with a bagful of fancy cheese crackers or makhni poppadoms, but with some low fat breadsticks, a jar of chilli pickled onions and a really bizarre chorizo jam. I KNOW.

Some of you might say "Well, if you had true will power, you wouldn't have gone inside in the first place". To you people, I say "Fuck off". This is my journey. For me, that was pretty fucking restrained. Low fat breadsticks are not fun, so I knew I wouldn't eat a lot of them. Also, pickled onions would provide that salty, spicy hit I am always looking for when I get in, but with a trillionth less of the calories. The chorizo jam, well, that just seemed like a fun and interesting item to try. And it was, as you can see from the packaging! 

It took me ages to get the 'Eat 17' reference… Nob.

I would recommend it. They also do a bacon version that I could be tempted with, although £3 a pop for quite a small jar is a bit much. Maybe it would make a good gift. 

So, with all this being good and snack-cutting-down and weight-lifting and exercise-biking, one would think I would have lost some weight. Or one would think I would have at least stayed the same. But no motherfuckers — I WENT UP TWO CUNTING POUNDS. Now, if I hadn't read this article on Nerd Fitness (excellent site by the way) I think I would have been quite upset. Also, I know when I've had a shit week, and this really wasn't one, so I definitely don't believe I have just piled on 2lbs of pure fat. Heck, I didn't diet AT ALL during Christmas and I only put on 3lbs! So this is bollocks. However, I also don't think I've put on 2lbs of muscle either (though that would be fucking sweet!). So it's probably a combination of water weight and muscle. But mainly water, probably. I hope. However, seeing as I have about 25lbs to lose, I will be keeping an eye on my weight just to make sure it doesn't keep going up — that would be bad! Maybe it's finally time to pay attention to the body fat read-out on the scales…

In other news, I'm really enjoying being aware of my muscles and the feel of a post-workout ache. I can feel my muscles getting bigger and stronger with each session, so whether the scales go up or down, I know for a fact that changes are taking place. Now I just need the fat to fuck off from my body so I can reveal the Xena-Warrior-Princess physique that I am clearly hiding under all this chub.


Monday 3 February 2014

Oh Thank Fuck

This is exactly what my BF was thinking when I stepped off the scales this weekend and delivered my weight loss news to him. All week I have been waffling on about how good I've been and how well I have stuck to my calories, so if I hadn't lost, I'm not sure he knew how he was going to handle the emotional fallout that would almost certainly follow.

Luckily, weight loss this week was just over 1.5lbs, which I am massively pleased with. I didn't quite do as much exercise as I did the week before, but having tested out my new weights routine, I have now worked out a nice weekly schedule that — for the first time ever — actually excites me a bit. I have been groaning a lot this week — hamstrings, glutes and abs have all been put through their paces and I have really felt the burn. I might be expecting slightly unrealistic results from this new weights venture, so I'm trying to not to get overexcited, but it is nice to feel positive for a change.

I have found the weekly graphs on MFP to be very handy in the last few weeks, for one quite important reason : the average daily calorie intake graph. This has been invaluable to me recently, as if you do go over your suggested calorie intake for the day (which I ALWAYS do on the weekend because I am a human being who wants to enjoy life), you can work out how to rectify the damage, whether it's by eating less another day, having a fast day (which I am properly doing again, thank fuck) or chucking in some extra exercise. It does stop you from going too mental in the kitchen, although it has not stopped me from eating a shit-tonne of marzipan. Yup, I've had it in the kitchen since Christmas and it seems to be a regular accompaniment to a cup of tea these days. I can't bring myself to throw it away, nor can I stop eating it! Also, BF is annoyed with its presence because the yellow foil keeps making him think we have a packet of custard creams, only to discover it is squidgy, smelly, disgusting marzipan (in his opinion).

[Oh my god — I was actually just frantically searching around my desk for the small piece of cereal bar I had just put down and was genuinely shocked when I realised I had just eaten it… WHAT WILL BECOME OF ME???]

I saw my lady-friends for dinner this week, and I made sure I had planned my potential food options before I even got to the restaurant. I turned up a bit late and they were all, "Oh no, you're going to take ages looking through the menu now, aren't you?" (they know what I am like with too much choice) but I already knew what I was having (steak salad with fries on the side) and I knew it was within my allowance — BOO-YA! I can't lie and say I wasn't tempted to just order something huge and cheesy (we were in a fucking Frankie & Benny's after all!) but I knew that it would make me feel like absolute shit after. So I settled for having a bit of mayo with my chips and scraping the whipped cream off my friend's milkshake — oo-er! (We're a very close bunch.)

Begrudgingly, I am also adding up every bastard thing that passes my lips on the weekends, which I never used to do, but I have realised it gives me a better gauge of how the week might pan out. Looking at Saturday just gone, I had better exercise my arse off or prepare for a gain next weigh day, because it turns out I ate 3000 calories in one evening… That sounds terribly disgusting, but there is no way you can go to a Deep South restaurant with friends and have a nice dinner with lots of alcohol on a calorie budget of 1290 — jog on mate, seriously. (I have been THAT person who is sitting with a bowl of salad and tap water, looking miserable as fucking sin. I would rather eat the good food and then exercise it off.)  The best you can hope for in that situation is that the food was worth it, which it was. We had lots of delicious starters (chicken wings, shrimp, jalapeno poppers), followed by ribs, fries and coleslaw, which was then topped off with a lychee martini. And when I say 'a', I obviously mean 'three', plus a beer, plus another cocktail. Well, we didn't have dessert, did we?? Anyway, fuck off — I saved 250 calories on Sunday night, so there.

I am no longer setting myself any short term goals, such as "be 10st by my birthday". I never fucking hit them, and then I just feel like a massive loser, and then I go drown in a box of Krispy Kremes. Followed by chips, followed by pizza, followed by Jam Mallows. I am just going to stick with what I am doing, make minor adjustments and just make sure the trend is generally downwards. It's boring, but I think it's sensible for me.

Oh, I forgot to to say — my new favourite activity is punching my tensed-thigh, watching how less and less of it is jiggling with every passing week and then shouting "GRRRRRR!".

Blog post done.